Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Can I color on your dick again?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
