His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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