Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I checked into jail on foursquare
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
