What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
