Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
