For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
