I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
