I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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