I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
