i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
