rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
