its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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