I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
where am i from again
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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