Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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