She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
