the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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