How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
