I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
