my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
