I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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