its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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