i think my tv is drunk
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
