so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm both gender and math confused
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
