I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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