so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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