i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
