My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
