i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Randomize
