I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
