dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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