sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
