YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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