Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
why is half of my head shaved?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
