call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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