apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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