we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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