member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
