happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
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