so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
