Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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