ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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