If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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