I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
