Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
