drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
