Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
