I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
