Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Your penis caused this!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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