This dress was meant to end up on your floor
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
