If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
