just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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