just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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