Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
