awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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