just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
