There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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