I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
