My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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