a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
